Parenting During the Age of COVID-19 - A Time for Kindness, Patience, and Flexibility
These are difficult times. On top of the usual stress that comes with parenting, you now have coronavirus to worry about. For valid reasons, many of us are moving through our weeks with heightened anxiety.
You may have to make tough decisions about health practices, schooling, and social distancing during this time. The grocery store is full of panic, and there is little that you can control. When you lose your sense of control, it is tempting to take it back in any area you can. This can manifest by micromanaging your kids, creating detailed schedules, and cracking down on screen-time. It’s true - this can be a wonderful time for creativity! But, while you have good intentions, you must remember: our kids are anxious too.
Our children may not fully understand what is happening in the economy, or politics, or our healthcare system. But what they can understand is our heightened fear and tension. They can feel our uncertainty. We must keep in mind that their world has turned upside down too. This is a circumstance they have never been in. They are isolated from their friends, trapped in their home, and frankly, stuck with you 24 hours a day. This is a time for honesty and patience.
It is highly probable that you will experience protest behavior from you kids during this time. You may witness anxiety, temper tantrums, even full meltdowns over not being allowed to socialize. Before you scream, remember: their feelings are valid too. So instead of punishing them, stop, take a deep breath, and accept that we are in this together. You are going to find ways to connect with your family, be productive, and protect your children. You just need to stay present, open, and be willing to adjust.
What our children need most during this time is to be reassured. They don’t need you to be the school principal. They need to be comforted. Some days, you may have to release expectations and let go of your “plan.” Take a break from online school to make mid-day pancakes together. Break out a spontaneous board game. Sit down for family dinners. Do absolutely nothing. If we are going to get through this, we have to be willing to slow down and adapt. We might be in this for a while. Your to-do list isn’t going anywhere.
I know you are worried that your kids are going to fall behind and school. It’s okay. All the kids are in this together. Trust me, your child won’t be the only one who resisted doing his math homework during this time. The schools will find a way to get them back on track when things return to normal. I’m not saying to throw out the class schedule completely, but I am saying that needlessly arguing over a lesson assignment will only increase tension in your home. Take a beat and remind yourself that we are all on the same side.
Our kids are smarter than we think. Talk to your kids openly about the time we are in. Be honest about what they need to do to protect their safety. Share your fears. They can handle it! What they can’t handle is your Instagram-inspired productivity warpath. If you give them a little autonomy, you might be pleasantly surprised at how much they accomplish on their own. They may even come to you to comfort and reassure you. But only if you take a break from being commander, and settle into just being. - Eyal Gutentag